Family....one of the hardest things ever...

Haven't blogged in a long while.  Lots of changes in the past 12 months.
Good and bad.
Bad seems to always shade the good.
This past year I read
Ann Voskamp's book,
1000 Gifts.
I also have followed her blog and am so grateful for her clear insights and her willingness for personal transparency.

Our family has undergone a significant blow to our core being.
Its amazing how God works in the trenches but even through a whole lot of pain to this momma's heart, I feel like I know even better where my hope is found.  It is not found in the things here on earth... Or in my husband or my boys...but how often do we get caught up in staring at these and glancing at God.  When we get caught up in our feelings, how quickly we focus on the wrong thing. My hope is in my Savior.
So no matter what trench we are in, and no matter how deep our boots are stuck down in the mud, we are not in this alone. And to steal Ann Voskamps hash tag #preachinggospeltomyself.

I get up everyday with as much sadness as I have ever experienced in my whole life. Some days having no desire to go on, but I am seeking joy and thankfulness and that is how I put one foot in front of the other. Our family is not healed but my God is the great physician and I'm going to keep my eyes on him.  #Thankful

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day
To every wonderful "Daddy" out there.

I really think it should be called Daddy Day because just about any male can be a biological father but it takes something very different to be a "daddy".
Now, I have no first hand experience from the daughter :: daddy viewpoint, because I only had a biological father...
My only real life experience comes from watching   my husband for the past 28 years be a great "Daddy" and I have been very privileged to know some other awesome earthy dads....

But wait, don't be sad for me or anything even resembling pity, empathy or sympathy even for one second, because I have so much more than an earthly daddy.

Since I was 8 years old, I have had the daddy of all daddy's, the big kahuna, the most amazing daddy anyone could ever dream of...I have the creator of the world, master, the Almighty and I could go on and on...

But most importantly, if you are "daddy less "
and haven't found the Heavenly Father then I encourage you to reach out and meet the one who is my "daddy"!

 I will be so thrilled to share him with you!
He is the daddy I can talk to about anything,
      he hears my heart,
he knows me and loves me because he created me...
he knows I screw up on a regular basis,
      he knows I will never be perfect and
loves me like no other.

Tomorrow on "Father's Day,"  I will be celebrating with my "daddy."
And if you don't know my daddy, then there is no better day to meet him--
Father's Day 2013 could be the day you finally have a daddy!
Oh I hope so!

So thankful for his grace and love for me!
Happy Daddy's Day!

I just want to say....

I just want to say that yes, this is me and Bobby and Lucas. 

I was young and didn't know much...

I had already had one breastfeeding baby and was ready to nurse Baby number 2.

I can honestly say, all in all, it was fairly easy for me.

But....

What I want to say is that even if you have all of the best intentions,

the best lactation eduation,

the best lactation consultant,

the most supportive family,

the best nursing baby ever...

Sometimes breastfeeding doesn't work out as planned.

In the past three months, 

I have had the privilege to counsel

not just patients, but friends. 

All of them love their babies.

All of them desired to breastfeed.

All of them went through some struggles.

Some had sore nipples, bad engorgement,

mastitis, candidiasis, low milk supply,

high milk supply, lazy baby, crying baby,

sleepy baby, back to work moms, stay at home moms,

multiples, preemies,  term, post tern, and I could go on...

But, 

I just want to say...

no matter what the outcome...

I am so thankful I had the opportunity to help you breastfeed and I know because of each of you, 

I am a better lactation consultant! 

Thanks to all my awesome friends who take their job as 

"Momma" as the most important job of their lives!

You all are great!!!!

 

 

Breastfeeding---the baby's perspective...part one--the first fifteen minutes

Entry five
(The First Fifteen Minutes)

I want to preface this entry by saying that as far as I know, I have no researched based evidence to support the information I am about to provide. The things I am getting ready to say come from 27 years of being around babies, new mommies and new daddies.  Some of these thoughts may have originated from something I heard along the way, either from a professional speaker, a colleague, a friend, a patient, or maybe I read it somewhere. I have no intent to plagiarize or to use anyone's researched information.
So take this info just for what it is and use it if you can....

I am going to try to tell this from the perspective of a newborn baby.  Remember, we don't really know what they are thinking so this is definitely not evidenced based research.  Just what I think....(baby thoughts in italics).

Birth---
Not really sure just what happened but I was soaking and wiggling around in a perfect temp jacuzzi bath and then something started to change.  It was like all the water quickly got drained out and I was getting pulled down the drain. Next thing you know, this weird feeling thing was trying to pull me out of a hole not near big enough for my head...then "BAM"...out of the jacuzzi and plopped up onto some slick warm mound.  I hear the voices that have been talking to me for the past nine months, but gee whiz stop rubbing on me, it is freezing out here!  People talking, crying, screaming, lights, noise that I never noticed before...and there is noise coming from me??? My mouth is opening up and I am just screaming along with everyone else. But now all the attention is turned to me....
They are moving me off the warm mound onto some hard, flat thing and just letting me lay here...whoa, they let go...whoa, please don't let me fall off this thing... I continue to scream. But they are calling out numbers...  let's see looks like he is going to be 8 lbs 12 oz. A big baby boy.  Let's take him over here under the warmer while they get mom fixed up.  We will do his vital signs and a brief assessment then he can go back to his mom and begin to breastfeed.
What in the world are they talking about...vital signs, mom, breastfeed...I just want back in the warm jacuzzi, and could you turn that spot light off. i prefer muted lighting and muted sounds. Why is everyone so touchy feely right now.  Wait, stop what's that?  There is something wet and cold going in my pooper place?  STOP!!!  Oh wait, that's not so bad,  I have been saving up the black sticky poop for nine months, I can just go ahead and let it rip...clean diaper...haha I'll show you.  

Okay so back over to the warm mound that feels remotely familiar.  I know that voice and those soft fingers touching my face. And that smell. Wow, Its the combo pack....mom, food, comfort all wrapped up into one exhilarating smell.  Oh wait...and i see it now. The dark target...as I lay here, skin to skin on my mom's chest I can see that round dark spot and I just know I have to get to it....now if I could just figure out how these legs work, I could push myself over there to see why I feel so compelled to get there.  I have relaxed some now, along with everyone else in the room. I just want some quiet time to spend getting to know the "voices" aka "mom and dad"!   But wait, as I look around, those touchy feely people are back, putting something in my eyes...goo...i was just getting ready to take a good look at my mom and now I have "goo" eyes.  Somebody wipe that stuff away.  I just want to see her...
I start screaming again. I don't like all this stimulation. I just want to cuddle up in my jacuzzi, suck on my fingers and tongue and float around like I have been for the past nine months. But I just keep seeing that big round dark thing...I know I need to get over to it...

  

Sidebar--I admit it...I watched The Bachelor.

manchild #1

manchild #2

I admit it...I watched "The Bachelor" this season.  Tonight in the final episode, when Sean was talking with his mom and she got all teary, I did too.  Anyone that knows me will tell you , I don't get teary eyed very much but tonight when she was just overcome with I guess, fear, about whether or not Sean was going to make the right choice really struck home with me. 

As a mom of two adult sons who aren't married or even in relationships right now, I could really empathize with her.  To me, but I'm sure not to our sons , the question is, how are they going to replace me...the most significant woman in their lives, with someone else? 

Now I am definitely not saying that I don't want to be replaced...because I definitely want them to find the mate God is preparing for them!   We have been praying for these women since these baby boys were born!   But when it comes down to it, we do want the best one--made especially for them.  How terrifying it would be to see the uncertainty in either of my Manchilds in choosing a mate for life!  Thank God, for the peace that passes all understanding when "Momma's" have to watch this process!  I will so welcome the time when those Godly women enter our lives just as much as I dread the time also. The manchild's  hearts are tender and easily hurt.  So for now I just keep praying that whoever those special women are, I pray they love Jesus more than they love my boy(s) and if that is the case, then I have no worries! Just more love to give! Fill my cup and let it overflow! Amen! 

Back on Track...next Breastfeeding book entry...

I find it extremely interesting that many new moms to be and dads today have never been around a new baby. There are some that have never even really been up close to a new baby or will even hold one until the one they have on the inside makes it way to the outside....

My husband and I were both very blessed to have been around enough babies before we had our own and I think it made a huge difference in our comfort zone of bringing a new baby home.

My point being here is that if you find yourself in the position of being pregnant--go find a baby to hold, change some diapers, talk to other young parents and see how they carry and position their baby.

In my job of helping new mothers learn to breastfeed, I see mom's not only struggling with maneuvering their breasts, and being extremely uncomfortable doing that but also being uncomfortable with positioning their baby.  I try to relate everything I teach, to something we already know or are familiar with...

So when you think about positioning a baby at a breast to breastfeed, then think about the position not only you are in, but also the position of the baby.

You are going to be sitting there for awhile, especially in the first couple of weeks when everyone is learning what to do and so your comfort level is of extreme importance.  I hear and see mom's every
day sitting in very uncomfortable positions and when I say, "let's get you comfortable," they look at me with a combo look of, "there is no way I am going to move, because I just got this baby latched on..." and/or "I don't care if it hurts or is uncomfortable, my baby was starving and now he/she is eating and you are not going to interrupt this...".

There are a couple of faults with those thoughts:

1.   If you are so tense and sitting in an unnatural position, not only will you have to go see the chiropractor next week, but your tenseness, anxiousness, discomfort or whatever you would like to call it, all affects your milk supply, your let down and even the emotional bond you are having or not having with your baby.

2.  Most of the time, if you are uncomfortable, your baby is uncomfortable also and usually is not getting much milk.  Have you ever been sucking a big thick milkshake through a straw and the end of the straw gets squished together?  Pretty frustrating--you don't get much milkshake and you end up with a mutilated straw end.  Well, that's what it is like for you and baby, if baby is not latched on correctly.  Your nipple is going to come out of baby's mouth kinda mutilated looking and baby is going to be pretty frustrated because he/she felt like they were sucking a milkshake out of a straw and the straw got squeezed together.  So in the long run, no one benefited.  You got cracked, sore, bleeding nipples and a frustrated baby.

3.  If baby is latched correctly, then you will be able to move around and change positions.

Henceforth, the importance of good positioning, relaxation and feeling comfortable holding a baby.  So go to church, offer to keep the nursery, spend a day or two with a friend who has a newborn,  Babysit....the least you could do is go to the store and buy a baby doll to practice holding.

Next entry....breastfeeding from the baby's perspective....

Entry three--frustration!

Entry three

I went to work today in a hospital near Nashville, Tennessee. I was asked to go back into a patient's room because she was confused about the information the pediatrician seeing her baby recommended regarding how she should approach breastfeeding her baby at just 22 hours of age.  

 Last time I checked the date, it was January 2013.  I have been a certified lactation consultant since 1990 and I can't think of a single reason for a perfectly healthy, full term baby at 22 hours of age to need 1 ounce of formula, 3 times a day in order to prevent it from becoming "lethargic"!!! 

Yes, in January 2013, we still have pediatricians going into patient rooms and telling new, impressionable, insecure moms that their baby "NEEDS" formula. 

I have done all I can do... We teach our moms that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends EXCLUSIVE breastfeeding for at least the first six months of life unless there is a medical reason to use formula.  

This is the time I really feel like the licensing body of pediatricians should be notified and this "pediatrician" officially disciplined for providing inaccurate information to a patient ---this is totally malpractice! 

My hope is that new moms will educate themselves and become confident enough to stand up to this doctor and I am sure a few others out there who are committing 

"Breastfeeding Malpractice"!