Breastfeeding---the baby's perspective...part one--the first fifteen minutes

Entry five
(The First Fifteen Minutes)

I want to preface this entry by saying that as far as I know, I have no researched based evidence to support the information I am about to provide. The things I am getting ready to say come from 27 years of being around babies, new mommies and new daddies.  Some of these thoughts may have originated from something I heard along the way, either from a professional speaker, a colleague, a friend, a patient, or maybe I read it somewhere. I have no intent to plagiarize or to use anyone's researched information.
So take this info just for what it is and use it if you can....

I am going to try to tell this from the perspective of a newborn baby.  Remember, we don't really know what they are thinking so this is definitely not evidenced based research.  Just what I think....(baby thoughts in italics).

Birth---
Not really sure just what happened but I was soaking and wiggling around in a perfect temp jacuzzi bath and then something started to change.  It was like all the water quickly got drained out and I was getting pulled down the drain. Next thing you know, this weird feeling thing was trying to pull me out of a hole not near big enough for my head...then "BAM"...out of the jacuzzi and plopped up onto some slick warm mound.  I hear the voices that have been talking to me for the past nine months, but gee whiz stop rubbing on me, it is freezing out here!  People talking, crying, screaming, lights, noise that I never noticed before...and there is noise coming from me??? My mouth is opening up and I am just screaming along with everyone else. But now all the attention is turned to me....
They are moving me off the warm mound onto some hard, flat thing and just letting me lay here...whoa, they let go...whoa, please don't let me fall off this thing... I continue to scream. But they are calling out numbers...  let's see looks like he is going to be 8 lbs 12 oz. A big baby boy.  Let's take him over here under the warmer while they get mom fixed up.  We will do his vital signs and a brief assessment then he can go back to his mom and begin to breastfeed.
What in the world are they talking about...vital signs, mom, breastfeed...I just want back in the warm jacuzzi, and could you turn that spot light off. i prefer muted lighting and muted sounds. Why is everyone so touchy feely right now.  Wait, stop what's that?  There is something wet and cold going in my pooper place?  STOP!!!  Oh wait, that's not so bad,  I have been saving up the black sticky poop for nine months, I can just go ahead and let it rip...clean diaper...haha I'll show you.  

Okay so back over to the warm mound that feels remotely familiar.  I know that voice and those soft fingers touching my face. And that smell. Wow, Its the combo pack....mom, food, comfort all wrapped up into one exhilarating smell.  Oh wait...and i see it now. The dark target...as I lay here, skin to skin on my mom's chest I can see that round dark spot and I just know I have to get to it....now if I could just figure out how these legs work, I could push myself over there to see why I feel so compelled to get there.  I have relaxed some now, along with everyone else in the room. I just want some quiet time to spend getting to know the "voices" aka "mom and dad"!   But wait, as I look around, those touchy feely people are back, putting something in my eyes...goo...i was just getting ready to take a good look at my mom and now I have "goo" eyes.  Somebody wipe that stuff away.  I just want to see her...
I start screaming again. I don't like all this stimulation. I just want to cuddle up in my jacuzzi, suck on my fingers and tongue and float around like I have been for the past nine months. But I just keep seeing that big round dark thing...I know I need to get over to it...